Caregivers Can Cope With Tough Decisions by Having Six Qualities
Sheryl Fellers, Dawson County Extension Service
Everyone is a caregiver for family members and cares about neighbors, extended family members and friends. However, when someone is responsible for another person, such as a child, a disabled family member or an older loved one, it is totally different.
Helping to make decisions and coordinate care for another person does not compare with any other situation. John DeFrain, UNL family life specialist, has done research for more than 20 years in several countries. Through research on families he found that there are six general qualities to help strengthen families in these types of situations. These include:
-- Appreciation and affection. People in strong families and caregivers deeply care for one another, and they let each other know this on a regular basis. This could be just sitting by a person’s side or giving them a quick phone call to say hi.
-- Commitment. Members of strong families show a strong commitment to one another, investing time and energy in family activities. This doesn’t mean a family member has to attend every activity or event. It might mean a neighbor that fills in sometimes.
-- Positive communication. Strong families are often task-oriented, but they also need to spend time talking with and listening to one another just to stay connected. Again, this can be just a quick e-mail or phone call to say “hi” and “how is your day?” It also is important to communicate about end of life issues before the time comes. The advance directive, power of attorney, living will and so forth must be in writing and in place before the crisis. If not, a caregiver will be asked to become a legal guardian/conservator for a parent, neighbor or family friend.
-- Enjoyable time together. When children were asked what is a happy family they most often would say it is one that does things together. This might be having a day to clean the house or having a picnic inside. As a caregiver you can sit in the chair beside the person who needs a little extra help and do hand work, play a board game or look at pictures from the past.
-- Spiritual well-being. This can be seen as the caring center within each individual that promotes sharing, love and compassion. This might be a faith in God, hope or a sense of optimism in life; some say they feel a oneness with the world. The spiritual side is shown when caring for those we love.
-- Successful management of stress and crisis. Caregivers and strong families are not immune to stress and crisis, but they know how to work together to meet challenges when they inevitably occur in life.
At the next family gathering, have that caring conversation about what should be done at the end of life, whenever that might be. Discuss it in the family before the crisis occurs. It’s much easier for everyone that way.
At the next family gathering, have that caring conversation about what should be done at the end of life, whenever that might be. Discuss it in the family before the crisis occurs. It’s much easier for everyone that way.
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