Engaging Everyone Solves Family Situations
Sheryl Fellers, Dawson County Extension Service
Communication in the family is important. Families should be able to offer a friendly and nourishing environment for communication. If there are issues concerning the family, it is important that everyone gets to participate.
It is common for parents to try to solve family issues without children but at the very least they should open the issues up for discussion. Don't call a family meeting because that will give the situation a negative connotation but simply talk with the other members of the family when everyone is present. Car rides and right after meals present the best opportunities to do this. Remember the human body has two ears, but only one mouth. Try to listen twice as much.
During these times try to avoid placing blame on any individual. If the meeting deals with people forgetting responsibilities avoid singling anyone out. Phrase things in a way to show frustration but not anger. Use "I" statements and not "You" statements. Using "you" statements is like pointing a finger at the person. "I" statements tell feelings first and then explain the feelings. An example of an "I" statement, "I feel hurt when you don't get the chores done that I ask you to do". A "you" statement would be, "You are so irresponsible and don't get your chores done". "I" statements will come with repeated practice.
Stay calm. Yelling is just not heard the same way as a calm voice is heard. Communication will not happen if everyone is angry with one another. Also, as a parent try not to dominate the situation. Remember no idea is a bad idea. Engage everyone.
Young children should participate too. Even if the child cannot fully understand, just being part of the situation encourages them as a member of the family. Try to explain the situation to the child in simple terms. Ask if he or she has any ideas. Encouraging younger children will help grow their involvement in future family conversations and also how they will handle communication in the future.
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